I am making choices

Small metaphorical alarm bells sound in my head on Wednesday evening as I find myself at community group struggling to keep focused. If there is such a thing as ‘present without leave’ then I am it.

Despite living in the same house, Anna and I hadn’t properly caught up in about a week. Sat on the bed at 11pm last night I realise the quantity of different spinning plates I am carefully balancing in what is an increasingly precarious manner. My phone buzzes away in the corner as if to underline the point. There is no sense in which anyone should have this amount of information to relay from the happenings of just one week.

The reasons for this predicament are many, various, and I would like to say all justifiable.

I muse on the unwise feelings of aspiration I harbour towards Hermione’s ‘Prisoner of Azkaban’ schedule and consider the fact that I would perhaps be too proud to accept the aid of a time-turner. How can I help the unwitting combination of enthusiasm, extroversion and drive in my character? I cannot but follow where it leads, I reason.

Thankfully, the Wednesday night alarm bells, and the sore throat I am waking up with each morning, are reminding me it may be time to choose my favourite spinning plates.

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In my box of minor life-irritations is ‘people saying they ‘don’t have time”. We all have time. What people mean when they say such a thing is ‘I am not prepared to prioritise that’.

I find that when we don’t like the outcomes of our choices, we often deny having – or having had – any part in making them.

When we don’t like the outcomes of our choices, we often deny having any part in making them.

As I look ahead to the next month or so, I already see myself putting distance between my choices and their outcomes. I can’t possibly make myself less busy.

OH, Rachel! Why won’t you learn! Of course you can make yourself less busy, it’s just that you are not prepared to prioritise rest.

I am also struggling with this in other areas of my life. Lord, I say, it’s too difficult to make this choice, the outcome is too painful, it’s an unreasonable thing to ask – let me keep entertaining this as a possibility.

OH, Rachel! Remember it is a choice you are making, and it is yours to make.

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Last night on the Praxis call Rich introduced an exercise with the line ‘there’s no pressure here, but there is opportunity‘. I think the nature of grace is somewhere in this thought. There is no pressure applied in our choices; they are ours to make.

But there is opportunity.

The best choices we make are the ones where we count the cost and are willing to prioritise the Lordship of Jesus Christ – whatever that may look like.

One of the focuses of my prayers last year was around responsibility. It seems it’s a lesson not fully learned, but it’s one I hope to embrace in time.

OH, Rachel! Won’t you always be prepared to prioritise the Lordship of Jesus Christ?